All That Chaos

 …all my screams weren't wasted into the night

If only I'd known then what I know now

I wouldn't have pushed the blade through my skin

and sacrificed my blood, begging

for someone who would touch my skin and not feel burnt,

someone who would touch my skin and want to touch it again

Instead, all I had ever had

were boys who didn't know the pain their hands could cause

and the chaos their words could leave in the maze of my mind

If only I'd known then what I know now

I wouldn't have bruised my knees on the tiled floor

and accepted the pain as my fate, praying

someone would touch me despite the bloodstains and not flinch for once

If only I knew then what I know now

I would've told myself it would be worth it

I would've known

all that chaos would lead me to you.

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